Take me to the river and I'll jump right in.
Pass me some of that engine grease
to mix with my gin.
I'll get stuck in the middle
given half a chance
but if you ain't interested,
why'd you take me to the dance?

Making eyes at the deputy's wife,
I nearly lost one for my trouble.
I saw the flash of his pig-iron
- I'm still waiting for the thunder.

On the corner of Bedlam and Squalor,
I missed my calling as a circus clown
but if you see me laughing
the lights're about to go out.

A classic fool, whose wisdom blooms
on the thorns of humiliation,
the poisonous truth,
I've got to be careful
of the council I keep
- it can be hard to tell
the beggars from the thieves.

I've played every juke joint across the land,
I'll fall down on my knees, raise up my right hand:
I see a life of struggle
in every grain of sand.

I've learnt to do the rumba,
I can surely twist and shout
but if you see me laughing
I'm ready for another round.

Sitting on a milk crate, threadbare necktie
around my throat.
I hold court with the rats,
chewing on a pigeon bone.
I can pack into a matchbox
almost everything I own
and anywhere I lay my head
I call my home.

Ha.

I heave and tow that dotted line,
feel that cat of nine tails
across my hide.
Put my head through a noose
to save a little time.
I'll cross my heart,
hope I don't get caught in a lie.

I know there's a stage for me
in the bright lights of the city.
I'll be drinking pink champagne,
none of that bootleg whisky.

From the ivory tower of Riches and Glamor,
I'll blow kisses to the crowd
and if you see me laughing,
I've got it all figured out!